Singles Help Center – Deep Conversations
You are on a first or second date. You are sitting across from a fabulous someone, or an ok someone who could become your fabulous someone. You are trying to get to know this person, to see if you want to keep dating him or her.
If you have been around the dating block more than once, you don’t just want heat and attraction: you want compatibility. You want to build a relationship that will work well, and that won’t take a lot of effort and drama to maintain.
But how do you, right now, sitting there on a second date with the person you found on adultfrinendfinder, find out if this person across from you is compatible with and right for you? There is no way to completely shortcut spending time with this person-and time will surely tell. But you may be able to reduce the time it takes to get to know someone by about 50%. And you may be able to reduce the heartaches and headaches of finding out too late that you are with the wrong person by about 80%.
How? It’s all in the art of conversation. I am currently writing a new eClass for singles on using specific conversations and conversational techniques to shortcut the “getting to know you” process. That way you can determine more quickly if you are with the right person or not. If you want more information on this eClass or want to pre-enroll at a discount, see the note at the end of this article. Meanwhile, here is one tip out of the eClass for getting to know a person more quickly:
When having a conversation with a person, especially if you are trying to get to know someone, always dig deeper. A person’s initial comment or answer to a question is just the information on the surface. You want to go beneath the surface, to the heart of the person’s thoughts, attitudes and beliefs. It almost does not matter what the topic is; what is important is how deeply the two of you can delve into the conversation.
A surface conversation may sound something like this: Dater 1: Do you want to get married someday? Dater 2: I don’t know, I guess it would depend on the situation.
Typically after Dater 2’s comment both people would feel uncomfortable and one of them would introduce a new topic to avoid falling into silence. Meanwhile Dater 1, who likely needs to know whether Dater 2 wants marriage in the future or not, did not get any useful information. Dater 2 may also make some assumptions about Dater 1 that may keep the relationship from developing.
This kind of surface conversation can happen around any topic, not just marriage. Perhaps in your situation marriage is not an issue, but you would like to know if the person you are dating knows how to communicate well. Or maybe you want to know if he or she has resolved problems that came up in or caused the end of the past relationship. Maybe you simply want to know if he or she knows how to clean up after him- or herself! A surface conversation may not give you any of this information. But a deep conversation will, and in the process will start to build a bond between the two of you in a way only an intimate conversation can.